Hey blogger world, it's me again!
I have noticed as the weather gets warmer and the days are sunny longer I have had less desire to blog. I also noticed many of the blogs I read have had fewer posts as well.
I have had less and less things to write about also because my student has bailed out of every session we have scheduled for the past month and a half. She was in the hospital with pneumonia, then she was away. Then she just stopped calling.
I keep thinking I have done something wrong. Maybe I haven't been encouraging enough, why else would she stop coming. I know she gets discouraged because she wants to finish that masseuse course and get a certificate, but as much as I want her to get to her goal, it is never going to happen as quickly as she wants it to.
That is the frustrating thing about volunteer tutoring. Generally it is only one hour a week, a very slow timeline when you are working with a low level reader. And if the student is not seeing results fast enough, it can be so discouraging for them.
I understand that and try so hard to make it worth her while, but my enthusiasm is just that, mine. I can't force someone to be excited to learn, or dedicated to the process just because I am. I struggle with this in almost every aspect of my life, my kids: why can't they see that with every fall from the bike with no training wheels there is another opportunity to get back on and try again, with my colleagues on the board: why can't they see that there is value in helping out every chance they get, with my friends: why can't they see that helping others is so much more rewarding than complaining about what they don't have in life.
I lament because I no longer have the answers, and I am feeling disheartened and it is affecting my life. I feel my level of patience has been exhausted with my student and that worries me.
But saying it "out loud" helps. I know I will get over this disappointment quickly, rally myself up toward a new goal and seek to make it work.
I did make a big decision recently. I am going back to college. I have always known I would go back some day, but with three small kids I felt there was always an excuse, and I felt afraid of the amount of work that would be involved. After this year I am confident I can handle it.
I went to a year of college at a national technical university and really learned so much there, more than just computers and code. I had an excellent writing teacher who taught me to let go of my inhibitions about writing. I enjoyed going to school and learning, but I put enormous amounts of pressure on myself and when I felt myself slipping (below and A), I started to lose my confidence and dropped out. I am so sure that will not happen this time. I know it will be hard, but I have learned that nothing worth having in life comes easy. I have also learned I don't have to be perfect.
I still plan to tutor, whether it is with D or a new student I don't know right now. But I love tutoring and would never dream of giving it up.
Stay tuned...
P.S. The photo above is a picture I took of my girls on a bridge at a local park. I love when I find bridges now because when I see them I am reminded of my journey.
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