It's Personal

I have been putting this off for a long time. I didn't really want to write about the personal stuff going on in my life right now, mostly because I am unsure if I should really feel free to do that on a blog. Most people I know tend to keep their personal lives hidden and shy away from sharing. This is not how I am in life, and this blog, while only a snapshot of a small part of my life, is an outlet. When the ideas for writing start forming in my head, I need to release them before they become stagnant.

I haven't been tutoring for the past two weeks. My poor student. I will get to why in a minute, first here is the back story of my family. I am married and have three beautiful daughters, Maddie who is 10 and super bright and energetic. Katy is 6 and so loveable and bubbly. Then there is Ally who is 3 and truly the spoiled baby of the bunch. I always say she rules the house. My husband is young and energetic and helps out around the house all the time.

6 Years ago my husband suffered a grand mal seizure while sleeping one night. Long story short he had a benign tumor in his brain. He had it removed and has been taking medication to prevent any further seizures. He has been basically seizure free for about 5 years. So for 5 years we have been moving along. I increased my responsibilities outside of the home, believing that everything was copacetic. I love to keep busy and use my brain so I signed up for as many things as I could that would allow me to do that.

Wednesday March 2, 2011, Tom (my husband) and Maddie were driving in the mini-van, on the way home from picking up a desk we bought on CL. While driving on a very busy 2 lane highway, he had a grand mal seizure. He crashed into 10 cars sitting in a used car lot and then slowly came to a stop on the side of the road. The airbag deployed and saved his life, and my daughter was wearing her seat belt which saved her life. The car was destroyed.

Now they are both healing, mentally and physically. For me I have been going 100 miles an hour ever since it happened. This is how I operate, I can't sit around and wait for things to happen, I need to make them happen on my own and in my own way. Life does not work that way, and I have to let go and give in to what is being directed to me. Flat tires happen (and did happen), even when I am already stressed enough. Power window motors die while I wish it didn't all happen at once, I can't control that.

The reason I share all this is on my tutoring blog is because tutoring is part of my life now. Even though tutoring is not always personal, our lives are and one tiny stone thrown causes multiple ripples. When I feel out of control in my personal life, it affects every aspect of my life. My husband can't drive now, I have to be available to pick up and drop off all my kids. My car was totalled, it was the most reliable source of transportation we owned that could fit our whole family. These "stones" could create havoc, but I am choosing not to let them.

While my first priority is to my family I always think about the affects on my other priorities in life. I may need to shift a few things now and maybe give some things up, but tutoring is still a priority to me and a passion, so I want to keep it!

I have a new car (well new to me) my family is home safe and sound, and I can go back to my tutoring this week with the realization that no matter how hard I try I can not control everything.